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Thursday, October 25, 2007

The Phenomenon of Beauty

I came across something today. It's a company that evaluates your face to tell you whether you're beautiful or not. The company is called Beauty Rank & it uses cutting edge software technology to compare your facial features with other models in their database.

They charge USD195. Ngai Tee! I'm thinking like this kind of business oso got.

I just found it amusing though. They even have sample facial analysis of stars who are close to the 100% mark. Here they are:

Kristin Kreuk 95% Almost there. Only a difference of 5%. I think the company's expensive software is really stingy. It says her nostrils are too big. Money easily drops out of there.

Scarlett Johansson 96.9% only. The company's high tech software says her forehead is too low. The Feng Shui Master says this type of forehead can easily see ghosts & dead people.

Rachel Leigh Cook. Aiya. So cute only 97% meh?

Denise Richards 97.9% She was smiling before they announced her marks.

Aishwarya Rai 98.3% She lost marks on her 'slightly delicate nose'. Beware of the eagle's beak hook-nose.

Shakira 98.5% I think she shook too much down there - people are just not paying attention to her face.

Beyonce Knowles 98.7% It's about the nose again.

Shu Qi 98.9% Big nose, round face & thin lips lose points. Shu Qi, that Vietnamese boat people costume has got to go.

Halle Berry 99.4% Alllllmost there.

Jessica Alba got 103% Whysay! Overshot!

Angelina Jolie 103.9% Her lips look like cream puffs. I feel like eating them. I think they're big enough to feed hungry orphans in Cambodia.

Liv Tyler 103.9% Hokkien people say this is Bay-Been (Horse Face).

Naomi Campbell 106.3% Duhh. Supermodel mah.

Basically, my analysis of the whole analysis is that the company's software doesn't like round faces, 'short eyes', big noses & thin lips. If you guys follow this, you'll never be able to find a wife.

You can see the detailed beakdown of the calculations here! Yeah, like it matters so much.

Here's something interesting:
Genes inherited from parents are reflected in your overall attractiveness. The female face is a key factor when males select a love partner. Just by looking at beautiful faces the human brain achieves satisfaction. There are seven main characteristics of a beautiful face:

1. Higher forehead - increased brain volume (intelligence). Basically more room up there to store more things.

2. Bigger eyes with long eye distance - improved clarity & vision angle. That's why women always know what we are doing behind them. That's why they make very good teachers in class.

3. Dark and thin eyebrows - health & youthfulness.

4. Longer and darker eyelashes - resistance to weather. Can capture more dust. When she flutters her lashes, the wind can blow.

5. Narrow nose - better filtration of air.

6. Full red lips - healthy offspring. My mom strongly agrees. My grandma's main requirement.

7. Narrower face shape - less fat. (this is not me talking. It's from the company's website)

What these factors mainly represent is fertility, intelligence and longevity. And what all this means is that physical beauty does matter. Scary isn't it?

Oh, the website also gives advice on how to take model-like photos:
1. Slightly open your mouth.
2. Look down.
3. Clear the forehead from hair.
4. Slightly close your eyes.

The Passing of a Casino King: Lim Goh Tong

Lim Goh Tong passed on yesterday at the ripe old age of 90 years old. He is the founder of the Genting Highlands Resort, and was the third richest man in Malaysia.

Uncle Lim Goh Tong

I'm sure he had lived and savoured his life to the fullest. Who wouldn't with 6 children & 19 grandchildren. And leaving behind an empire & fortune of USD12 billion. I can't imagine anything fuller than that.

When I read the news, my memories of Genting came rushing back. I had been there only two times in my whole entire life, which can only measure up to a little more than a third of Uncle Lim's.

This is a picture of me back in the 70's on one of the rides there at that time. I was about 7 years old then. Malaysians grew up on this ride. It was our rites of passage. It was our Disneyland. In fact, it even had Mickey Mouse & the gang on it.

Genting was so much a holiday destination for every Malaysian. Almost everyone would have a photo like this at home.

This is the new Genting Resort of today. They call it the City of Entertainment.

And entertainment they have!

This is for those who like men in tights. The circus has changed so much today. It has even got a storyline, just like in the movies. The fairy in red is the bad guy, and the blue one on the right is the good guy.

Reminds me of the Transformers poster.

And for those who are into cooking, there's the O-Tao Black Beans show.

And just when you think, that's it? - they hit you with this!

Whoodayyy!!! So fierce the face. Like don't-want-to-fren-you lidat.
I like. My saliva cannot stop flowing.

And even before your saliva gets the chance to hit the ground, it's the double-quadruple whammy Miss Astro Chinese pageant!

My mother always watch this with a keen trained eye. Then she would start blabbing out her analysis:
No. 6 Chloe - very dangerous face. Everybody oso want.
No. 7 Sharon - very fierce. She controls the money. Can bully husband one.
No. 8 Ashley - not bad. Looks like study a lot of books one. Very career woman.
No. 13 Tiffany - This one can cook, do housework & give birth.

Want to go Genting? It's seems like a good place for a holiday, some entertaiment & to find a wife. Ah Seng & Ah Khiong oredi on the way sooting up the mountain to the resort! They choose No. 6

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

The Blogger Almighty from Kuching: Kenny Sia

Hello Ebrybody! This is Ah Lien again! I have something excitings to share with all of you today. Teeheehee.

I tink nowadays Kuching got a lot of famous celebitries. All the celebrities you see on the TV is all from the Kuching. Got singer, model, actor, filmmaker all from the Kuching oso.

Got Dayang Nurfaizah the very small singer with the very big voice.
Her house is at Satok area, near the Petronas station, just before the bridge. Not many peoples know that, but I knows.

Oso got Tsai Ming Liang who makes movies in Taiwan.

The peoples in his films don't move one and they don't talk oso. Many peoples don't know, this is called art films.

Then Kuching oso got very beautiful supermodels like Belinda Chee.

This is because Kuching got many beautiful girls. All of them have very big eyes like mine. Teeheehee.

Nicholas Teo is oso from Kuching. He's very the cute, just like Korean singer.

When he sings, all the girls quickry put on their make-up.

Yesterday I had the privilege to meet the famous Malaysian celebrity blogger Kenny Sia.

In this photo, he look so muscle. I like. But that was a long time ago I think.

He was giving a talk to the business stiudents at my college. Not many peoples know that I study the business course because I want to be famous and beautiful businesswoman. So next time when I walk into other people's office, they will all say 'Wah! So beautiful businesswoman!' and forget to do their work.

Unfortunately the stiudents here have never seen a celebrity before. They were crazy about him. You should have seen them. They were like just came out of the Borneo Rainforest jungle. They were like the paparazzi. They wanted to take pictures with him, standing close, putting their arms around him. Actually, I can understand lah. They're just exciting to meet him. Seldom got famous people come to the jungle in Borneo.

If the lecturers weren't there, I don't know what will happen to Kenny. They would have gone wild. The girls would probably have ripped his shirt off. And the guy next to him would probably start thinking of strange things about him. He would have been violated like the puppies.

Kenny Sia is a very nice person, a Kuching boy at heart. He is just like you and me. The only difference is that he makes a lot of money from his blog. He looks so happy from all the money.

You can see that all the girls looking at him like they want to marry him, and his money.

In the talk, he teach us how to create our own blogs, how to get people to come to our blog, and how to make many many money. He is truly an inspiration to me & to all the other young peoples out there to be beautiful businesswoman.

Tankyu for readings,
Ah Lien

Ah Beng apologises to his readers if Ah Lien seemed carried away a bit this time with her enthusiasm & excitement for life, beauty & money. All the same, we thank Ah Lien for all her sincere contributions to this blog. At the moment I can't afford anybody more expensive. She is the cheapest that I can find.

Monday, October 22, 2007

The Voice of Japan: Ayaka Hirahara

Japan is a country of surprises. And most of the time, it is also a country of extremities & contrasts. This phenomenon also applies to their music scene.

I've always been intrigued by this. Besides the usual nasal-sounding out-of-tune sugar-coated Teeny Bopper Idols, sometimes interesting singers do appear on the JPOP scene.

One of such rare unknown jewels is Ayaka Hirahara.

I first heard of this Japanese singer on Malaysia Airlines en route to Tokyo. The international flight by itself was fun for a small town Ah Beng like me. There were lots of gadgets. You could pick whatever movies you want to watch, and watch them until you go blind on your own console.

The same thing goes for music. You can pick any artiste and listen to the whole album. Yes, you can listen to the ENTIRE WHOLE ALBUM, and I mean EVERY SINGLE SONG. You can listen until the recording company bankrupts, and you get ear cancer.

I picked this and I was hooked.

And it took me about a year or more to find her album. I tried KL - no luck. It didn't exist. Finally, I found it down in Singapore.

So there are still some things which Malaysia Tidak Boleh & Tidak Ada.

Ayaka's voice is distinctively different. You will always know it's her even though you've heard it once, blindfolded. She has the clarity, you can hear every rattle & hum of the engine behind the voice. Do not be fooled by her physical size, she's got POWER, even when her voice's down low on 1st gear.

Here she is with the single that made her famous - singing Jupiter based on Gustav Holst's The Planet Suite.

This is a one-shot studio live recording of her singing Ashita

I've always felt that her voice has the emotional depth that can hold any listener. This is another clip of her singing a duet with another Japanese guy. Don't look at the guy, just pay attention to her part. There's also another rendition of Jupiter towards the second-half of the clip.

Now, would you go back to techno music after this? I don't think so.

My friend Ah Seng say: Maybe techno-classical can lah.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Malaysian Astronaut: Updates by Ah Beng

Ngai Teee! The latest news report really shows what our National Hero Astronaut has really been up to in space:
1) He spins his toy tops
2) He eats his jello
3) He mixes oil & water
4) He plays yoyo
5) He plays with his balls

Bernama reported those as microgravity experiments.
I am so embarrassed. I do not know where to hide my face.

Wearing a batik shirt with the Malaysian flag behind him, he said his greatest challenge was sleeping at the same place without ending up at another.

I thought a challenge is something more like space walk.
Read the whole thing here.