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Friday, April 11, 2008

The Forbidden Kingdom

A long, long time ago (well, not so long ago), in a land far, far way (called The United States of America), there was a no-good, useless teenager who digs Kung Fu & buys DVDs. Then somehow he gets transported mystically into another world which fulfills his dream & fantasy of becoming a Kung Fu Warrior.

And in that world,
The path is unsafe.
The place is unknown.
The journey is unbelievable.
(I didn't write this. It's from the movie poster)

It was a land they call The Forbidden Kingdom!


At last, Hollywood has unleashed an epic Kung Fu movie that is worthy of our standards. They've put together not one, but TWO of the world's biggest & baddest Kung Fu movie stars.


Jackie Chan as the Drunken Immortal

(I think they made his character drunk to disguise his indiscernable Engrish)

Jet Li as the Silent Monk

(Again, I think they made him silent so that he doesn't have to carry a lot of lines in Engrish)

So at this point you've got to think like how Hollywood thinks. When you have two of your biggest main actors being indiscernable & silent, the audience will not be able to understand a lot of things that are happening. So in the tradition of Rush Hour, the next logical thing to do would be to slot in another character who talks a lot & do silly things & make people laugh.

That's right. It's the white boy, the only ang mo in the entire film.

And as with all action flicks, you must also have chicks.

Li Bing Bing. What a name.


Crystal Liu as the Golden Sparrow.
That will take care of the drooling, testosterone-packed, teen male audiences.


And of course, there must be the power-crazy, evil & maniacal villian, Jade Warrior!


And if you think that's all they have up their sleeves, there's more baby! All butt-kicking action sequences are choreographed by none other than Yuen Woo Ping of The Matrix & Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon fame.

Hahaha! You missed, white boy!

Also incorporating original & intriguing dialogues befitting true action films.

Jet Li: I kick you ah!
Jackie Chan: I shall block you with my intercepting fist!

Got one more surprise. Director of Photography Peter Pau also from Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon fame. Now with all those elements in their proper place, this film should not fail at the box office right?

Wait a minute. Who's the director... Rob Minkoff? A quick research online would reveal that he's an animation director (Stuart Little, Haunted Mansion). I pray for for Jet Li & Jackie Chan's career.

Can't get enough of the action? Watch the trailer here. Feast your eyes my friends!

Coming soon to a cinema near you on April 18.

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