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Sunday, February 3, 2008

The Lord of the Flies

Oh, if you're thinking that I'll be delivering an intellectual discourse about the Lord of the Flies novel or the movie, you'll be disappointed.

That's too deep for Ah Beng. Any attempt to submit my brain to any form of intellectual excercise will result in permanent cancer & brain damage.

Instead, Ah Beng will do what Ah Bengs know best, and that will be giving practical survival tips. Today, I will deliver a few tips on how to kill a fly... Ok. I think I just lost half of my readers.

I thought this would be an interesting topic since the Chinese New Year is coming, there's lots of food preparation in the kitchen, everyone's busy, and so are the flies.

Oh, look. There's a fly on the pineapple tarts. (Re-enactment)


There's three insects in this world which I wish the eco-system food-chain can do without: Ants, Mosquitoes & Flies. I hate flies FULL STOP. You can show me macro photos of flies & I can appreciate the aesthetic beauty of the shot, but I still hate them.


Holy Macaroni. This one's huge. It looks like a blood-sucking Tse Tse Fly.

Just look at this little bugger. I feel like slapping it.


But flies are lightning fast. One blink of an eye, and they're gone. But fear not. There is hope.

Introducing the equally fast as lightning Super SmasherTM technique. This is a deadly family secret technique that was passed down from my father to me, & from his father to him, & so on.

1. Place both hands apart just above the fly.


2. Smash your hands together just above the fly.


3. Amazingly, the fly flies right into your hands. It is terminated.

The trick here is to never smash the spot where the fly is. Flies fly backwards up. So smash the spot where it is likely to fly towards. Be smarter than the fly!


Oh look. There's a fly on my banana.

Another technique is just as simple although it requires an apparatus. You'd need a small plastic bag. Hold it like this so that there's two sections.


When you spot a fly, quickly place the plastic over it. You can see that the fly is now trapped.


You have nowhere to go now my friend. You are doomed.


Force it into the other section & smash it into a pulp.

Hasta La Vista Baby. Terminated.

Have a Happy Chinese New Year!

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