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Friday, April 11, 2008

The Forbidden Kingdom

A long, long time ago (well, not so long ago), in a land far, far way (called The United States of America), there was a no-good, useless teenager who digs Kung Fu & buys DVDs. Then somehow he gets transported mystically into another world which fulfills his dream & fantasy of becoming a Kung Fu Warrior.

And in that world,
The path is unsafe.
The place is unknown.
The journey is unbelievable.
(I didn't write this. It's from the movie poster)

It was a land they call The Forbidden Kingdom!


At last, Hollywood has unleashed an epic Kung Fu movie that is worthy of our standards. They've put together not one, but TWO of the world's biggest & baddest Kung Fu movie stars.


Jackie Chan as the Drunken Immortal

(I think they made his character drunk to disguise his indiscernable Engrish)

Jet Li as the Silent Monk

(Again, I think they made him silent so that he doesn't have to carry a lot of lines in Engrish)

So at this point you've got to think like how Hollywood thinks. When you have two of your biggest main actors being indiscernable & silent, the audience will not be able to understand a lot of things that are happening. So in the tradition of Rush Hour, the next logical thing to do would be to slot in another character who talks a lot & do silly things & make people laugh.

That's right. It's the white boy, the only ang mo in the entire film.

And as with all action flicks, you must also have chicks.

Li Bing Bing. What a name.


Crystal Liu as the Golden Sparrow.
That will take care of the drooling, testosterone-packed, teen male audiences.


And of course, there must be the power-crazy, evil & maniacal villian, Jade Warrior!


And if you think that's all they have up their sleeves, there's more baby! All butt-kicking action sequences are choreographed by none other than Yuen Woo Ping of The Matrix & Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon fame.

Hahaha! You missed, white boy!

Also incorporating original & intriguing dialogues befitting true action films.

Jet Li: I kick you ah!
Jackie Chan: I shall block you with my intercepting fist!

Got one more surprise. Director of Photography Peter Pau also from Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon fame. Now with all those elements in their proper place, this film should not fail at the box office right?

Wait a minute. Who's the director... Rob Minkoff? A quick research online would reveal that he's an animation director (Stuart Little, Haunted Mansion). I pray for for Jet Li & Jackie Chan's career.

Can't get enough of the action? Watch the trailer here. Feast your eyes my friends!

Coming soon to a cinema near you on April 18.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

The Coolest Cooler Pad

I was at the recent PIKOM PC Fair in Kuching on Sunday. Who wasn't?

(Oh by the way, I didn't bring my camera on that day.
The first 3 photos here are 'borrowed' from
Allen Ang)

The place was as usual, packed with people like a Yeo's sardine can.

Wait a minute. On second thoughts, the sardine can seems to have more room than this.

At the PC Fair, walking was near impossible. So I just shuffled along with the sea of people. There was very loud techno music every which way you turn, & there were a lot of products with flashing blue lights. It was truly an Ah Beng event & I knew I was in the right elements.

The whole city of Kuching was there. Out of 10 people that you bump into, you'd know 2 of them.
Judging from the crowd, Kuching must be one of the most computer literate societies in the world. But unfortunately, Streamyx here moves slower than my grandma.

Of all the gadgets there, I found the notebook cooler pad most intriguing. Especially the ones with the flashing blue light.I mean it looks so cool. If you're single & you had one of these, you won't remain single for long. Here's an advice for all you young & single bachelors out there - Girls dig guys with cool gadgets okay?

I wasn't sure whether it's the latest must-have in-thing, but I brought one home. It was actually a free gift from buying something else.

Soon I realised that something wasn't right. The design on the box seemed a bit cheesy. I began to worry.

When I pulled it out of the box, boy, was I disappointed. Where's the Star Trek-like see-thru body? And where are the flashing blue lights? What a rip-off! No flashing blue lights = not cool man!
If you're single & you had one of these, you're definitely staying single for the rest of your life man.


And it looked like a kitchen stove! You know what I mean?

When you use something like this, you're supposed to impress your friends. They're supposed to go 'OOOOOH' when they see this. But that won't happen when your laptop is on top of something that looks like a kitchen stove.

Anyway, looks aside, I thought I'd just check out the horsepower.

Well, the best thing about this is that it doesn't need a power plug of it's own, which would have been annoying. Just hook it up to the USB port of your laptop & you're ready to roll.

Uhhhh. Yeah, it's rolling. Now the problem is I can't tell whether it's blowing out air or sucking it in.

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